|
View previous topic :: View next topic
|
| Author |
Message |
shoshana
Joined: 29 Mar 2006
Posts: 8
|
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
mx2
millennium club
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 1988
Location: Miami, Florida
|
 Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 2:00 pm Post subject: |
    |
|
Overall it's not bad at all. It has a few grammatical errors which could easily be fixed but the context is clear and follows a logical sequence making ti easy to read, and more importantly, understand. I'm not entirely convinced about some of the conclusions drawn but that's not the point...you have written a very good essay. Just make sure you fix the grammatical errors...as it distracts from the message. Hope that helps any.
mx2
_________________
*Art of Architecture: The conscious use of skill and creative imagination in the production of an aesthetic building.
*Science of Architecture: The calculated use of technical skill and knowledge in the construction of a functional building. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
shoshana
Joined: 29 Mar 2006
Posts: 8
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 2:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you very much for your help. Is there anything in particular that you could point to me? Or any idea that you desagree and why? Well, I don`t mean to bother you, even if you can`t reply, your feedback has helped me a lot. Cheers 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
mx2
millennium club
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 1988
Location: Miami, Florida
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 2:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Try copy/paste into the thread as it's a pint to copy from the PDF and comment on specific passages. It would make it easier to reply...
mx2
_________________
*Art of Architecture: The conscious use of skill and creative imagination in the production of an aesthetic building.
*Science of Architecture: The calculated use of technical skill and knowledge in the construction of a functional building. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
shoshana
Joined: 29 Mar 2006
Posts: 8
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 3:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Cheers, here you go! I`ve added a word file.
| Description: |
|
Download |
| Filesize:
|
62 KB
|
| Downloaded:
|
1269 Time(s)
|
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
lekizz
millennium club
Joined: 11 Jan 2006
Posts: 1221
Location: UK
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 5:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It is certainly a very interesting contrast. And your English is far better and more sophisticated than some native English speakers I have met
Some comments from me:
(1) You are a first year student so I will forgive you not adding footnotes  . Normally in an essay like this, you will describe things fairly objectively and wait till the 'Conclusion' to express your own opinion. I think at some points you express an opinion of your own, but really you should justify it if you do that in the essay.
(2) That reminds me, the last 8 paragraphs seem to be your own conclusion, where you are relating the two books to today's world. Firstly, you should call this section "Conclusion" or "Relevance to Today's Architecture" etc.
(3) Following on from (2), if it is your intention to learn lessons for todays architecture from these two books, then you should make that clear in your introduction too!!
(4) one or two really good quotes from your sources would be good, sprinkled in the essay, to illustrate what you say.
(5) You point out briefly that the two books related to their different periods - maybe you could expand slightly on that. After all, the two writers were a completely different generation and either side of a second World War.
Intersting stuff anyway, good luck!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
shoshana
Joined: 29 Mar 2006
Posts: 8
|
| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 6:31 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you so much for your opinion... you really helped me a lot. If you don`t mind I`ll ask you another question....Do you think the message is clear, and the paragraphs are articulated? It`s very hard for me to correct my english grammar.... anyway, great help!!!! many thanks!!!!! 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
blogger
del.icio.us
digg
slashdot
